Best way to break video game addiction?

[Engnr]

Guys, any "best" way to go about this? My son is addicted, failing school, staying up late, not giving a care about anything just TF2 and online friends, just all around being a Turkey. He's 18, and well he does know everything of course. So I have tried and failed, been way too lenient on him, Jez can tell you that and the fact that she has been telling me for 2 plus years now.....

Ok, so I am taking the "box" and not going to return it until he is done with high school, decides if he wishes to go to college, or just get a job. He has 3 choices, get back to school being the priority, get a job and pay rent, or get out. Not going to let him live rent free and throw his life away.

Thoughts?

 

[Kenadian]

Guys, any "best" way to go about this? My son is addicted, failing school, staying up late, not giving a care about anything just TF2 and online friends, just all around being a Turkey. He's 18, and well he does know everything of course. So I have tried and failed, been way too lenient on him, Jez can tell you that and the fact that she has been telling me for 2 plus years now.....

Ok, so I am taking the "box" and not going to return it until he is done with high school, decides if he wishes to go to college, or just get a job. He has 3 choices, get back to school being the priority, get a job and pay rent, or get out. Not going to let him live rent free and throw his life away.

Thoughts?

Just a thought but if he's still in school tell him he can't have it back until his grades reach a certain point.

The other thing you can do is actually disable the internet at a certain time each night. If he can't have Internet then he can't play games with his friends.

 

[Daunt]

I agree with Duke. Control what you can control to put him in a situation where he'll want to succeed. AKA power / internet, etc. I'm no dad though, just what I'd do.

 

[Engnr]

I have tried and failed to limit his online time. I brought it down to two hours. I have set the router accordingly multiple times. Hell I thought I had blocked all his access recently. I believe he has the router password now, so he just changes it as he feels or has figured out a back door pass. IDK. But also Jez REALLY hates his computer in his room, but I HATE it being out in the family area's. Also, online is much better, but I think he has and will just continue to play single player games.

I need to lock to router down better, I know now after last night catching him at 4am that I have failed there.

 

[little P]

Wow. Tough one for sure Engy. I suppose you could look on the bright side and say it's better than drinking/drugs? At 18 in this country you are classed as an adult and there's nothing age restricted (apart from strip clubs which are 21+ weirdly). At this point if you are classed as a man you act like a man. If you can't, it's out on the street. Only you know if he'll call your bluff, if indeed it would be a bluff.

Is there anything else he's interested in other than videogames?

 

[Kenadian]

Engr I hate to say it so don't take it personally but it sounds like you kinda give up a bit too easily.

If it were my kid and he was still pulling this shit I'd remove the power supply from his PC.

The problem you face now is he's gotten away with it for so long weaning him from the habit is near impossible. You're going to have to get tough with him so I'd remove the computer from his room entirely and put it where Jez says, at least for now.

At least in the common areas you'll see him on it more and since it bothers you in that area you may stand a bit more firm on him getting off it.

Sorry if I come across the wrong way here my friend but it sounds like both of you need to adjust your habits a bit.

 

[Engnr]

He's not even interested in girls, and mildly interested in getting a drivers license, oh he does love classic rock...... But no, he talks a lot about college but the effort put forth is lacking greatly. He does sleep a lot, falls asleep in the shower, that drives Jez nuts, well me too, a two hour shower is just IDK.... His hygiene is lacking, he really is taking on the persona of a hobo. Just not ready to be a man, rather stay a kid and playing video games all day. Zero interest in getting a job.

No Duke, nail on the head sir. I have been pulled far too many directions of recent years, plus the fact that his mother is not even involved with him, checked out about 6 months after the divorce, and she now has a "replacement" son with her new husband. So I'm left holding the bag of raising a kid that his mom just more or less walked out on and blames him for not trying harder to fix the relationship. He still grasps at straws that she will come back into his life. Anger issues on top of things. Yea, not feeling to much like the Worlds Greatest Dad at the moment.

 

[Engnr]

And we won't speak of my 13 year old Daughter..........

 

[Kenadian]

Just out of curiosity, have you considered counselling for both you and your son? It may help him voice his issues especially if he feels your on his side.

Your families been through a lot the last few years Engr and it wouldn't surprise me one bit if you needed to talk to a professional about it.

 

[ElektroVodka]

I know you don't want to look like a dick in the eyes of P jr. but i think you might want to make an exception here.

I myself was in the same situation as your son when i was about the same age.
We shared an internet connection with Mosquito (the one from WOLF) so the first thing they tried to do was limit my internet acces by blocking my mac adress from being able to connect to the network.

Failed miserably tho as i saw this as a challenge, first i fired up my laptop and looked for another open wifi network which i could use.
Downloaded a mac spoofer trough that network, installed it and reconnected to our own network.... without restrictions as they didn't had the notion to turn on mac filtering for other devices except mine

Then things got a little more serious, seeing i used a wired connection for my gaming pc they just removed that when they went to bed :/ bummer as this time i couldn't think of a quick fix.
Or could i, a gaming addiction probably has it's pro's as you clearly start thinking in solutions to fix "your" problem albeit for the wrong problem ;-)
Seeing they never actually blocked my laptop's mac i started using that to tether my connection to my gaming rig.

So clearly just "limiting" my network acces wouldn't work and then they moved my computer to a silent corner in the living room (fuck, no more e-fappin)
That actually turned out to be pretty good solution as i lost interest in it rather quickly!

I'm not saying this will work for this situation, but i think Jez might have a point in moving it to an area where you have full control over it.

 

[Engnr]

We have been to a councilor a few times, but yea we have discussed (Jez and I) about getting him in again and sticking with it more. Trouble is $50.00 a session 1x to 2x a week really adds up. I believe I get 3 sessions free through my insurance, per person, so maybe 6 will be enough, or a good starts anyway.

 

[little P]

Don't be too hard on yourself Engy, you've had a hard time of it as a family and that's just the stuff I know about, I'm sure there's more besides. But, the falling asleep in the shower thing and other things you've mentioned do not sound like healthy behaviour at all...

Keep your chin up mate, I'm sure you are doing the best you can do. The fact that you are reaching out for advice shows you are a good Dad period. Youwant to help your Son. So no more of that talk. I do agree with Duke, if you don't feel like you know what to do next, it's time to talk to a professional. Over here the GP would be the first port of call, I don't know what it's like over the pond?

 

[Kenadian]

Regardless, you know you have us to support you as well Engr

...with tough love as needed.

 

[Engnr]

Problem with moving it, he just sits on it and does his thing there. I turn a blind eye trying to juggle the other fires. So in the end, it's me, I need to step it up and KEEP it up. That is where I fail, the follow through, too many other things to work on and not focusing on the most important one, my kids. Ugh, being a parent is awesome and majorly sucks at the same time. I feel like I try hard to do right by the kids, let them have a good life, but I end up making more of a mess I think.

 

[Engnr]

Over here the GP would be the first port of call, I don't know what it's like over the pond?

Oh don't get Jez started on that topic, lol. Let's just say the American version of Medical Insurance isn't all that it's cracked up to being. I'm still paying off my brain tumor. It's not easy to come out of pocket $4500-$6000 before insurance kicks in at 100%. And all the doctors send you to collections almost immediately. I would guess we spend upwards of $400 a month typically on doctor's visits, meds, prior bills, easy.

 

[Engnr]

I found a way to sum up the United States easily, we are a reactionary society rather then a pro-active society, and everyone is only out for number one.

 

[Engnr]

BTW, thank you everyone. This parenting thing is not for the light hearted, and I am too damn soft, that drives Jez absolutely crazy. It's just they are my flesh and blood, I can't give up hope they grow out of it, and how far is too far when pushing. They are not on drugs or with the wrong crowd. Man I just second guess myself ever second of every day and just HOPE to hell I did it right. Still seems to be not enough, but I would not trade being a dad for anything. But Jez being a step-parent only and not ever getting the opportunity to have flesh and blood of her own, I just wish she did not have to do with step-parent thing.

 

[tmtm]

Listen to Duke on this one, sometimes he gets it right. What seems like a hopeless situation for you is a normal, common problem for a professional. Drag him (and you guys) in somewhere.

Also: holy shit your kid is 18 years old. wow.

 

[little P]

There is no right and wrong when it comes to parenting as long as you are doing your best. You'll figure it out mate. I've set some clear boundaries for my kids from the get go and they pretty much do what I ask of them, we have a lot of fun and there is a lot of love but also some strict boundaries. Their mum on the other hand was too soft on them from the get go and is now pulling her hair out on a daily basis almost because they don't do a thing she asks and act up. And she wonders why.

Every family is different mate, we've been through a lot over the last seven or eight years too (coincidentally life threatening brain surgery for one of my children was involved as well among lots of other things) and we have come out the other side. So there is hope He's lucky to have a Dad who cares about him enough to want to do something. A lot of us didn't have that at all so don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[Kenadian]

Listen to Duke on this one, sometimes he gets it right. What seems like a hopeless situation for you is a normal, common problem for a professional. Drag him (and you guys) in somewhere.

Also: holy shit your kid is 18 years old. wow.

11+ years running Lifesupporters.com, I've heard and responded to much worse over the years believe me.

The only true measure of a good parent Engy is one that has self-doubts and regret.

Those with a clear conscience are the worst.